7 Things You Would Rather Do Than Take a Greyhound Bus to State College

You’re doing something completely irrelevant, when all of the sudden, the earth shifts. Panic-stricken and crazed, you dash for your computer, credit card already in hand. It’s too late, you tell yourself over and over, and you’re right. You’ve officially waited too long to get your Megabus tickets home. Now, you’re forced to get a seat on Satan’s old, decaying SUV…aka the Greyhound bus.

This is a fate equivalent to many horrible things, as taking a Greyhound bus to and from State College is about the most unpleasant experience imaginable.

It’s always late. The buses are from the ‘70s so there’s no Wifi or outlets. And there’s always, without a doubt, no matter where you’re going, a layover in the middle of Harrisburg.

With students now well settled back into State College abound with Greyhound horror stories, Valley compiled a list of things you would have rather done than endured that torturous, unfortunate ride.

1. Take Chem 110

At least you’re not wasting $60. You’re just wasting your youth and tuition. Easy trade.

2. Sleep in a frat bathroom.

It probably smells better than the Greyhound terminal.

3. Drive the long ride back with one of your socially inept floor mates from freshman year.

Headphones are a gift, and at least you might be able to charge your phone.

4. Listen to the Willard Preacher scream for a few hours.

The sound of his pained, proactive voice is slightly less annoying than the old, soon-to-be deathtrap motor having a seizure for four hours.

5. Wait in the Chipotle line during “Daylong” season.

The wait for your burrito bowl amidst an overflowing sea of starving college kids with apparent spring fever is still shorter than your wait before boarding on your bus that you spent your last paycheck on. At least there’s food with this option.

6. Walk.

This one is a given. You’re used to walking from your apartment downtown to the Business Building. At least this four day walk would be a great story to tell later, as opposed to a great story about how you survived the Greyhound turning on its side and opening the gates of hell.

7. Having to do the walk of shame everyday for a week…in broad daylight.

You would still be able to loosely hold onto your dignity, as opposed to all that’s left of your humanity instantaneously flying out the window when the stranger sitting next to you is lulled to sleep soundly and drooling all over your shoulder.

Photo by Amanda Hunt