Now that you’re settling into school and adjusting to the semester, your houseplants are enjoying their new job of spicing up your room and brightening up your space. But, because you present your secret behaviors and true self in front of your plants, they’ve actually gotten to know you better than anyone else, and…well, they have some advice.
Money Tree
I’m lucky that you bought me, but I must say, I don’t appreciate the look you give to me like I’m letting you down every time you remember to water me. It’s quite unsettling. I may not be able to make you actual money, but I must say, those extra purchases at Irving’s and Panera Bread certainly aren’t helping. Stop going to Starbucks, too. Try cooking once in a while.
Bleeding Heart
You know, I don’t mind that you speak to me about your crush, who you’ve never actually met, but you should face the fact that Harry Styles doesn’t even know you exist. Last night, I watched you cry into your laundry. I really wish that I had introduced you to my friend, Maidenhair Fern. I mean, you both are like, so pretty! But stop picking at your nose when you watch Netflix. Those scar for life.
Aloe Vera
As the resident healer, I’m here to tell you to be patient with yourself. Whatever battle you are struggling with, I’m proud that you are here today. Your bad days do not define you even if you feel like you’re regressing. Find people who meet you where you’re at; it’s not your responsibility to conform to those who don’t make you feel good.
Sneezewort (Achillea Ptarmica)
Just a friendly reminder to make sure that you bring that mini-hand sanitizer everywhere, and drink lots of water. If you’re feeling stuffy or sore, take some cough drops with you to class. You may want to move eucalyptus to the shower to help you breathe. He’d be chill with that.
Eucalyptus
Hey there! I’m like, the chilliest plant out there. I don’t need much attention to thrive. (Because I’m so chill). Anyways, I’ve been overhearing your rants to our roommates. Maybe you should try meditation or therapy as well. I’ve heard there are great apps that could work for you. But don’t worry, I’m always here to listen if you ever feel like paying any attention to me. It’s totally chill. Really.
Orchid
I’m going to be honest with you, I’m refusing to bloom on will. Just like you. It’s time to open up to people and new experiences, no matter how scary. In my case, you’ve simply angered me because you’ve placed me in the corner of the bathroom. How dare you! You need to move me.
Happy Plant
Wow! I seriously love living here because you make me laugh! Your outfits always tend to be extremely mismatched at home, and I do enjoy watching you dance to Nicki Minaj. She’d laugh too if she saw you.
