Technology has transformed the way we live and interact with one another. If you went out to a restaurant twenty years ago, it was common to see people sitting and engaging in deep conversations. If you walk into a restaurant today, you’d most likely see a large percentage of people staring at their phones, avoiding conversation. Why is this? Why has society shifted with the rise of technology? Although technology has done a lot of good, it has increasingly forced our society to be alone together.
The term ‘alone together’ describes the feeling of being surrounded by people yet still feeling alone and isolated. The concept of being ‘alone together’ was first introduced in 2011 by MIT professor Sherry Turkle. In her book Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other, Turkle discusses the negative effects of technology on our relationships. She explains that as a society, we’re often distracted. We’ve used technology to shape and navigate our emotions and relationships, and in turn, it’s shaped us. The result is a deeper longing for technology and shallower relationships with those we love most. It becomes harder to connect with others, even when we’re trying our hardest to do so. This not only affects our most meaningful relationships but being ‘alone together’ also affects our daily lives and everyday conversations with acquaintances. Let’s discuss what’s led us to this point and how we can create a healthier balance between technology and personal connection.
How Did We Get Here?
Being alone together is a result of spending too much time on our screens and not enough time engaging with the people around us. How did we reach this point? In recent years, technology has replaced almost everything in our daily lives. With the rise of apps like Apple Pay, Paypal and Venmo, wallets have become less necessary. Similarly, bills and letters have primarily been replaced by emails and texts. You see, even just cell phones have replaced so many things that the world needed just a few years ago. This isn’t to mention social media, streaming, and other entertainment-based apps. The rise of these factors may even have something to do with our cultural values and societal norms. If our society values entertainment, that’s what companies will sell. And there’s only becoming more and more. Becoming so dependent on technology has led to decreased communication skills and reliance upon it.
How Can We Change?
Although the concept of being alone together has become more common, there are solutions to increase our connectedness and deepen our relationships with others. Here are a few tips to help you do so: One solution is to cut phone usage. Give yourself the challenge of setting screen time limits, even if it’s just a few minutes less per day. When you’re at fun social events, try putting the phone down a little bit more and enjoy the moment. For example, when you’re at a concert, maybe just record your favorite song instead of half of them. You can even try taking a voice memo of the song, that way you can enjoy the concert without staring at your phone, and you’ll still be able to replay it later. When you’re at dinner with friends and family, try keeping your phone in your bag or your pocket instead of placing it on the table. Science shows that placing a cell phone on the table, even when silenced, decreases the quality of a conversation and the degree of connection you feel with the person you’re with. These are a few mindful habits you can start to make that will reshape the way you interact with technology and others.
If you’re still feeling discouraged, don’t worry. It might not be helpful to eliminate your phone usage and screen time altogether because the world has made us dependent on technology. It’s not a debate whether we need our devices for everyday usage because many of us do. If you want to distance yourself a little more, try taking your notes on paper during class or write a handwritten note to an old friend and send it in the mail.
It’s important to remember that technology isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it has brought us advantages in many areas of life. However, the devices that bring us together can also tear us apart if we’re not careful about how we use them. As a society, we need to be intentional and mindful about how we are using technology instead of letting it control us. Let’s strive for balance and embrace a more mindful approach to technology so that we can overcome the isolating feeling of being alone together. By taking the time to create new habits and engage in deeper conversations with others, we can grow our connections and live happier, healthier lives.
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