Family dynamics change throughout our lives. Your parents may get divorced and begin to date other people. No one prepares you for this until your mom or dad tells you, “There’s someone I want you to meet.” No matter the age, this can feel like a slap in the face. When you’re a kid, the vision of the classic evil stepmother comes to mind. Precisely a fairy tale character that has come to ruin the day and all holiday traditions.
Embracing The Weird
In our 20s, we’re navigating school, careers and relationships. It’s easy to forget that family is fluid and can shift. However, this can be a beautiful thing, as you’re able to navigate a new relationship on a deeper level. Adding new family members into the mix during your 20s can be uncomfortable and awkward, but also exciting. It’s going to feel weird at first, but VALLEY has tips for shedding the blended family layers!
Breaking The Ice
The perfect way to get to know a step-parent or step-sibling is by finding shared interests. Whether this is lunch over your favorite cuisine, a sports game or a museum, individualized time is a great way to get to know one another.
Keep expectations realistic; it’s fine if you don’t instantly click. Focus on creating positive interactions over time! When your family dynamic changes, it’s natural to be cautious of someone’s intentions. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and set boundaries both of you are comfortable with.
Bringing Everyone Together
Your parents are likely to gather the family together but don’t be afraid to take the opportunity to plan your family event. Host a dinner party or have a night out together. If you live far from one another, a group chat for the “just because” texts and photos can be a great way to lift everyone’s day. As time flows, involve them in milestones when it feels right—like inviting them to graduations, birthdays, or celebrations. While you may not be sure if you’re doing the right thing at times, it means more to them than you know!
If you plan to invite both biological and step-family members to a gathering, you may feel the pressure of being responsible for ensuring everyone gets along. It’s okay to set boundaries about how much time you spend with each side. Create a schedule that works for you—whether that means alternating holidays between families or carving out time for yourself. It’s okay to say no if you need a break or can’t attend every event.
Progress Has No Timeline
Like any other relationship, these connections take time to form and grow. You’re going to experience waves of emotions. While a blended family is beautiful, you may still mourn the old memories with your family. There is no distinct timeline to follow, however, the key is to let these relationships flow naturally. The goal isn’t to force perfect relationships but to stay open to the possibility that these new family members might enrich your life.
Do you experience the “blended family” too? Let us know at @VALLEYmag.
