We have all been guilty of ignoring red flags in the people that we are dating. When we meet someone new and begin to form a romantic connection with them, they seem perfect. In the early days we only see the best in them, their most redeeming qualities on full display. As we begin to get to know them more and are no longer all on our best behavior, we begin to see our potential partners for who they truly are. As we continue to develop our relationships with them the red flags continue to pop up. We see them, but why do we often struggle to acknowledge them?
Change
One major reason that we struggle to acknowledge the red flags that we see in our partners and our relationships is our fear of change. If we admit to ourselves that we see this toxic behavior in the person we are dating or the relationship we are building, we would have to do two things. First, we would have to admit to ourselves that the person they are is different than the person you originally believed they were. Second, we have to act on this realization and either fix or end the relationship.
Both of these are terrifying, and this is because they involve change. Change is a scary thing and it can be hard to accept. We try to combat this change with with more of it, convincing ourselves that we can change them. (Spoiler alert: you can’t.)
Reflecting On Ourselves
We also ignore red flags because they force us to reflect on ourselves and the things that we want and need. It could be a fear of being alone or settling for less because we think it is what we deserve. No matter what it is, we are forced to face it when we begin to honestly analyze and attempt to improve our relationships. These conversations and realizations can be uncomfortable. However, they are also necessary for growth.
Identifying and accepting red flags can be scary, but the things that can result when we DO put in the work and refuse to ignore them are so worth the journey. Respecting yourself enough to know what you deserve and refusing to settle for less is empowering, but it is also the first step to beginning to form deep, meaningful and healthy relationships.
Have you been guilty of ignoring red flags in your relationships? Let us know by mentioning @VALLEYmag on X!
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