Can You Really Stay Friends with Your Ex?

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What’s the biggest question asked after a breakup? Well, as you’ve probably already guessed from the title of this article, it’s “Can you stay friends with your ex?” And — should you? Unfortunately, it all comes down to circumstances, so there isn’t one right answer. 

First thing is first, if your ex-significant other cheated on you, the answer is one hundred percent: no. That one should be a given. But if you want to be the bigger person, don’t go seeking revenge. It may feel good in the moment, but there’s a good chance you’ll regret it later. You also don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they are still on your mind. 

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Now, what if you two ended on good terms? Give yourselves some time apart if you decide you want to be friends. There was a reason for the breakup, whether it because someone lost feelings or distance, so you have to treat it as such. You also may decide after some time apart that being friends isn’t the best idea. Just stay in tune with your heart and trust whatever your gut tells you. If being friends will only hurt you more, don’t do it. 

Another thing to consider is how the relationship started. If you started out as friends, there’s a better chance you both will be able to maintain a friendship after a breakup because you know how to have a platonic relationship. If you started out getting to know each other while dating, it might be a little bit harder. You would both have to learn how to keep romance out of your relationship all while healing. 

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The moral of the story is following the two T’s: time and trust. Give yourself and your ex time. Time to heal and time to rediscover yourselves as single people. Trust yourself.

Deep down you probably know what you need, but it’s hard to see past the hurt on the surface. Trust your gut and listen to your heart and know that it will all be okay in the end. 

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So, yes, you can stay friends with you ex without any romantic strings attached. It depends on the people, and it is a tricky thing to navigate no matter the circumstances. But know that it’s not for everyone. Only you know yourself best and know what you need. Take care of yourself, always.

Tweet us, @VALLEYmag, with your thoughts and opinions on this topic. 

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