It’s easy to feel like the borough just isn’t big enough for you and all of your past lovers or failed relationship attempts. Seriously, how can one small town hold all of these unsavory characters? Whether it’s due to the physical confinements of State College or more invisible traps like sharing a friend group, you just have to learn how to cope. When it feels like the walls are closing in or you just can’t escape names and faces from your past, there are ways to keep you cool and protect your peace. Even though it sounds impossible, VALLEY’s got you covered.
One day, one writer for VALLEY mag embarked on a nine hour road trip to visit a friend at another school. Along with her, in that large sedan that quickly felt very small, were two friends, and two…people who, once upon a time, were more than simply friends. She underestimated the trials and tribulations that would arise in her heart and mind during those long hours. Though she learned some tips and tricks to pass along.
It’s Never That Serious
There is nothing worse than seeing or hearing something from an ex that grows a small pit in your stomach. That terrible cross between anxiety and disgust upon gathering information, you probably could have gone your whole life without. In those moments, VALLEY recommends turning the music up; focus on the silliness of such things. Laugh at the absurdity of it all and remind yourself that the past only holds as much power as you give it.
Your Ex Probably Burps
After being in the car with four lovely male companions for oh so many hours, our writer quickly made an important realization about these foe-coded friends. The people we have “pasts” with often get reduced to that in our minds; we over simplify who they are to fit the narrative that they’re an ex who needs to be avoided.
However, one meal at a run down old diner in the middle of Ohio made our writer realize that —and you won’t believe it— they’re people too. People who have favorite milkshake flavors, people who get too shy to speak up when they need pull over to use the bathroom, people who burp when they drink too fast and people who aren’t as scary as your mind makes them out to be.
You’re in control of every interaction you have and sometimes, letting go of old narratives can make room for something lighter—maybe friendship or maybe just some kind of peace.
Find An Ally
Winston Churchill once said, “There is only one thing worse than fighting with allies, and that is fighting without them,”. Sometimes, there is just no way out of an uncomfortable or unwanted scenario. Having someone who knows what you’re going through is invaluable for getting through even the darkest of times.
Take our lovely little writer on that road from hell; in the midst of the boy’s discussing all of the girls they had met and spoke to over the weekend, she reached out to an ally. By texting her friends and playing games, she was able to distract herself from the environment she was in. The same goes in any other situation that feels unbearable—leaning on the right people can make all the difference. Whether it’s a text, a call or even just knowing someone is on your side, having an ally turns survival into something a little more manageable.
Bring Everything You Think You Might Need and More
This is just a general rule for life. If a relationship didn’t work out the first time, it probably won’t work the second. Ex’s are unreliable —never let yourself get caught in a situation where you’re expecting them to be anything but who they’ve already shown you they are.
People can change, sure, but history has a funny way of repeating itself when you let it. Over prepare when you’re about to put yourself in a situation where you need to be your own best friend. For example, during the two hours our traveling writer spent in stand still traffic, she didn’t have to worry about the fact that in lieu of music, the boys on aux felt a group scroll through reels would be better. Airpods, a book, girl scout cookies and Benadryl got her through.
When going out in State College prepare for the worst! Bring your A-game, your confidence, your lipgloss, your gum —nothing that makes you feel a little more yourself and a little more confident is a waste of packing space.
When in Doubt, Roll the Windows Down
The past is unavoidable because it’s already happened. The worst part is it didn’t just happen to you, it happened to all of those other characters who make up the stories that we replay in our heads over and over again. However, you don’t have to carry it with you like an old song stuck on repeat. Let the wind take some of it away—breathe in the present, exhale the weight of what’s behind you, and remind yourself that the road ahead is yours to define.
Let us know how you cope with seeing your exes by tagging us on Instagram @VALLEYmag!
