Everyone has a friend who got into a relationship and seemingly went MIA. Whether it was for a month or three, this friend got a partner and got on a first-class ticket to the honeymoon phase. Now, this is normal for most in the beginning of the relationship. You get heart eyes for another person. It can be exciting and thrilling to spend your time with them, flirting or going on dates. Going out to the bars with your girls might seem a little less fun than cuddling with your new boo.
However, eventually, this honeymoon phase will feel a little draining for some. This type of love will eventually turn to reliance on another person, spending all your time with them and only nurturing your one relationship.
If This Is You …
Whether this is you or maybe a close friend who is in a relationship like this, don’t worry! It doesn’t have to mean you’re in an unhealthy relationship, but it definitely means that you and your partner might have some work cut out for you in fixing some all-too-comfortable habits.
In Jay Shetty’s podcast, On Purpose, he describes the issues with a relationship like this and how it has the ability to drain each partner and ultimately leave you wanting more. In the podcast, Shetty describes the need for your council for life; the four main people in your circle who take crucial parts in the betterment of your life. Get a pen and paper ready, readers, cause it’s time to figure out the top four members of your circle.
Who’s In The Circle?
The first person is the caring one. You know they are compassionate and supportive. They are nurturing to you and care about your well-being. Who is this person for you? It could be a friend you go to when you are having a hard day. It could be a family member you call when times are tough. It could also be your partner! Write this person down.
The second person in your council for life is your consistent person. This could be a person that no matter what, has been in your life. Maybe you went to grade school together and never lost touch. Maybe it’s a neighborhood friend you still speak to. Write this person down.
The third person in your circle is the most competent person. This person pushes you to be a better version of yourself. They are organized and responsible. These are the people you would say to yourself “Wow, they really have it together,” or “They should make a day in the life video.” Write this person down.
The fourth and last person in the circle is one with the highest character. You know this person is going to make the right decision when they need to. They are overall just a good person. Write this person down.
Reflecting On Them
Now that you have your list, take a look at it. Are all four of these people different? Are all four of them your partner? Are all four of them the same friend? If so, you may have a dependency problem. Now, don’t freak out! There are simple solutions–though they may include some hard work–to fixing this codependency spell you are in.
Take a look at how you split your time. Start by adding time for other people. Schedule a lunch with an old friend you always loved. Call your aunt who has always been there for you. Ask your best friends to have a girl’s night out this week. By making time for other people in your life, you can expand your circle and give yourself the tools to personally grow, which will only make your relationship stronger.
What’s your experience been like? Tag us @VALLEYmag on Instagram or X!
1 Comment