We all know the unspoken rules of texting etiquette. Don’t send “K” unless you want them to think you’re mad, respond timely but not too fast and for the love of god please turn your read receipts off! Oh, and of course if you receive an essay length text paragraph from your significant other, that was not written by them alone but rather curated by their team of friends in a shared notes app. Technology has advanced to a point where in person conflict is practically obsolete.
Remember when people would fight in person, giving the shopping mall or promenade some afternoon drama to eavesdrop on? Those food court fights are a rarity nowadays, with most people taking their feelings to their phones. You’re more likely to witness two people furiously typing away while occasionally exchanging glances than actually yelling at each other.
But is this a good or bad thing? We know texts are hardly ever perceived the way they were intended yet we still continuously take the easy route, bite our tongue and hit send. How can something so impersonal be our safety net in the act of getting personal? Here’s VALLEY’s guide to the do’s and don’ts of text fighting.
Don’t Start a Fight You Don’t Have Time For
We are all familiar with the anxiety that boils in your stomach as you await the elusive gray ellipses to disappear and reveal the next text in an ongoing argument. This may even be half the reason for sending the text in general. To elongate the tension of a feud further guilting the other party. Why start something you don’t have the time to finish? The perk of sending a text rather than confronting someone in person is partly due to the efficiency. If you’re mad but not that mad you may just think sending a quick text to share your feelings is the quick and easy route to getting it done with. But don’t be shocked when your text comes off the wrong way inciting an ongoing back and forth via your cell phone.
Do Text Your Mean Roommate
May we live with them, know them, or even be them, everyone knows the mean roommate. This person is constantly causing issues, whether passive aggressively or straight-up and they often are aware of it too. For the socially awkward or just non-confrontational, a text can be the least anxiety inducing route to get your feelings across and not be cut off or intimidated out of it. A simple “Please buy toilet paper” or “It’s 3:30 a.m. can you please turn the music off?” may just be your answer to avoiding confrontation with the bully you live with. Apologies in advance if the text they send back makes it worse.
Don’t Expect it to be Resolved Immediately
Sending a text can be the equivalent of sticking a big spoon in the pot of your relationship and giving it a harsh stir. Don’t be shocked if the person on the receiving end does not pretend like the exchange never happened just because it didn’t physically. And no, an apology text is not the answer. If someone still seems upset after an online feud you started and thought you ended, an in person conversation is probably the answer to ending the unwanted tension.
Do Consulte Friends for Peer Review
This one may be controversial but we utilize peer review in almost every other written piece we produce so why not for texts? Don’t pretend like you haven’t already done it! Consulting your friends to help you craft a text can help you communicate your feelings and get a real life response on how they themselves would perceive that message. In the heat of the moment it can be hard to step out of your own shoes and think from the other person’s perspective (even if they’re in the wrong). Anyway, the other person has most likely already recruited a team to help them with their response so don’t put yourself at a disadvantage.
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