Kids, when I was your age attending college, I was completely lost. I mean, dead-end, no map or GPS lost. And it didn’t help that I was going to school at Penn State, in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t until I realized that there were clear, drawn out rules we all needed to be aware of going to college here. Rules that I bestow upon to you now. Just sit tight, this might be a lot.
The Lemon Law
College is an exciting yet overwhelming time when you meet so many different types of people. It’s also a time where you will experience dating. Lots and lots of dating. But, how will you know which of your dates to pursue?
The Lemon Law explains an easy solution to this: within the first five minutes, you are entitled to call off the date with no repercussions if of course, you believe it’s not worth pursuing. Does this seem like a pretty bad thing to do? Kind of mean? Of course. But, it’s not nearly as bad as leading on someone you’re not interested in. Don’t breadcrumb or toy with people’s hearts in college, kids. It’s not worth it.
Suit Up (For Game Day)
Kids, going to school at Penn State meant becoming a football fanatic. Saturday football was like Sunday church and the tailgates were like runways. You had to suit up, no matter what.
Blue and white clothing is a must, no exceptions, but always dress appropriate for the weather. Once it’s November in the valley, you’re going to need lots of layers, a poncho and about three pairs of socks. Oh, and make sure to eat lots of hot dogs and meet up with your friends before you go in Beaver Stadium and lose all of your phone service.
Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM
Never, by any means, engage in any activity after two in the morning. Nothing good ever happens after two in the morning. Do not get another round. Do not go over to their house. Do not stay the night. There really is no in-depth explanation to this, just don’t do it.
Don’t Blitz Out
Saying “Yes!” to everything is the best way to make memories in college, because kids, the last thing you’ll ever want to be is the college Blitz. The “Blitz” is that friend who always misses the most spontaneous, insane stories by simply sitting an experience out. Maybe, they’re too tired and want to sleep early for work the next day. Maybe, they’re going home for the weekend. Whatever the reason is, it causes them to miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime moment.
By no means am I encouraging you to skip your classes or call off work to hangout with your friends. But in moments where you’re able to sacrifice your time off from responsibilities for a night out, do it. Your time in college is fleeting and the real world is a lot tougher on Blitzes than you think.
The Legendary Rule
Kids, the memories I have had throughout my life have been amazing stories to tell. But, nothing is more amazing than following this Legendary Rule: whatever you do in this life isn’t legendary unless your friends are there to see it.
Friendship is worth everything in this one life we have. It doesn’t matter if you met them in your economics class on the first day of sophomore year or in Champ’s during the Christmas bar crawl. It doesn’t matter, because they became your Godparent or non-biological uncle or aunt for a reason. Spending your college career with your friends will make up the best stories you can tell your kids one day.
Graduation Goggles
“Graduation Goggles” is the phenomenon that happens when you’re feeling nostalgic about something that is about to end, even if that something was essentially miserable. It’s that feeling when people feel guilty about breaking up with their partner, even though they spent every date night in a frat basement.
Even after the early morning classes and walks to campus or the expensive bar covers and raging hangovers, the day that you prepare to walk the stage at graduation, your graduation goggles will light up. You’re going to take one good look around campus and maybe, your time at Penn State won’t have been so unbearable after all.
So, appreciate every moment. Steal something for your date. Drink at the bar with your friends every night. Make a bet or tell someone you love them. Just enjoy it, because once it’s gone, you can never get it back.
Which of these rules do you love the most? Tweet us your thoughts on X at @VALLEYmag!
