No, you aren’t an asshole for not liking a thoughtless gift. If you wore gold jewelry every day of the week and received a silver necklace for Valentine’s Day … yeah, it’s safe to say you’re justified in feeling like they didn’t really put in an effort. It’s hard to say whether a certain gift is “good” or “bad,” but it’s pretty easy to figure out if there even was a “thought” to count.
Honestly, baseless gratitude might just be overrated. Expecting the people you care about and are close with to indicate that they cherish you just as much isn’t selfish or egotistical. If you took the silver necklace with a forced smile, you might be called humble and sweet, but refusing it wouldn’t make you conceited either.
But, of course, that begs the question — why does a gift, of all things, need to be thoughtful?
Thoughtfulness Comes From Paying Attention
Giving someone a thoughtful gift often comes down to how well you know them. That, in turn, comes from how much you’ve paid attention to them and your interactions with them. Gifts don’t have to be expensive, nor does money have to be involved at all — but if you’ve wanted something for a while and someone gifts it to you, it’s proof that they’ve been listening. The contents of a card having quotes from a conversation you’ve had or someone remembering your favorite flowers, these little things can mean a lot in the long run. After all, to be known is to be loved.
As the giver, you want the receiver to feel like you were present in your interactions and you want them to feel important. Of course, the classic “10 Gifts for Her” website might give you a couple of generically feminine items to give to the “her” in question, but the website doesn’t know her like you do.
High Maintenance or Bare Minimum Treatment?
The culture that surrounds gift-giving can often be one that tells you to suck it up and appreciate what’s being given. It’s not wrong to be disappointed in a gift and it’s not wrong to have expectations. Because we’re taught to be humble and take things as they are, we often end up settling for the bare minimum. While it’s not necessarily fair to have sky-high expectations for everyone (come on, what are the chances you’re going to get a meaningful gift at a workplace Secret Santa-), it is fair to say that the people close to you shouldn’t have you settling for less.
Wanting to be given a thoughtful and meaningful gift, even if the meaning isn’t all that significant, is not a big ask. It’s what everybody deserves.
“The Thought That Counts” — Applicable or Not?
Sometimes, the thought does count. Giving someone a gift when they’re expecting it least — showing them that they were being thought about on just another regular day — can be quite endearing.
While giving someone a gift is beyond just a love language, a lot of people might not be able to admit that they do, in fact, resonate with it being one of theirs. This is usually because they dismiss it, assuming that it means they’re materialistic. In reality, giving someone a thoughtful gift can be as small as … who knows, finding them a rock that made you think of them. Yes, really.
All in all, “it’s the thought that counts” is a tricky mentality to have. The thought can’t count if the gift was thoughtless, can it?
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