Boundaries. One of the most essential aspects of our inner peace and relationships, and simultaneously one of the hardest things to set in place. Boundaries have become a taboo subject in relationships, and even just in life. When people set a boundary for themselves, others often have a gut reaction to be offended. This comes in the form of questions like “Why did they say that?” “What did I do wrong?” or “Do they not want me in their life anymore?”
This reaction is completely valid, as it is normal to have a very personal response when someone places a barrier in place. However, these boundaries are not a bad thing and often are being set in place in order to benefit and nurture relationships not to stunt them.
What is a Boundary?
Boundaries come in many different forms. Telling your parents you can’t discuss politics with them anymore is a boundary. Telling yourself you aren’t allowed to work on Sundays because it is your one day to focus on yourself is a boundary. Even just saying ‘no’ is a boundary. Simply, a boundary is a dividing line that sets clear limits. They establish what we deem as okay and not okay physically, mentally, emotionally and materially.
The Stigma Around Boundaries
People think of boundaries as walls, barriers driving a wedge between two people or things. Think of boundaries more like a property line marking who owns what land. There is no physical boundary, but instead an agreed understanding that ‘I own this land, you own that land, and we will respect each other’s land and only make decisions for our own land.’ While it may seem like a silly comparison, it really does help remove the stigma around boundaries and reveals the true intent behind setting them.
Often we set small boundaries daily and do not even realize that is what we are doing. It is the larger and more obvious boundaries we set that seem daunting.
The Importance of Boundaries
Boundaries help us maintain our autonomy. They make us comfortable in relationships and situations so that we are set up to thrive in them. We need to set personal boundaries in all aspects of our lives— personal, social, professional, etc. as without them we would drown in our own discomfort and grow to become smothered and overwhelmed leading to resentment. This can all be avoided by setting healthy, respectful and clear boundaries for ourselves. It is not mean or rude to set boundaries, it is simply healthy!
Do you struggle to set boundaries for yourself in your day-to-day life? Let us know by mentioning @VALLEYmag on X!
