Jersey Fatigue

What do Tate McRae and Carhartt-wearing college boys have in common? Before you rack your brain for every possible connection, let VALLEY spare your efforts and tell you: jerseys.

With every day that brings us closer to the weekend, you may have noticed a certain trend populating the campus. The jersey frequents Penn State so often it can be thought of as a student itself. Similar to how we see someone wearing our favorite artist’s merch, guys on campus practically flock to each other, discussing the stats of the upcoming games and predicting the winner. In fact, we can go an entire week without knowing anything about the season, but when the Eagles have a game that Sunday, it’s practically a guarantee that you’ll know about it via their outfits.

However, there’s a certain hierarchy that goes into the art of wearing jerseys, and it can only be deciphered by those lucky enough to be a part of the system. Lucky for you, VALLEY was able to observe the data and we’re here to tell you all about the esoteric system.

The Top Dog

At the top, we have the fan who can practically sub in for the team’s mascot. They seem to know every single player’s middle name and blood type, and will give you an extreme stink face if you ask what position they play for. They also won’t ever seem to stop talking about their stats and that “one move” a player did three seasons ago. But VALLEY can’t judge: If it was measured how far we would go for our favorite artists, we’re sure the scale would break.

The One Who’s There for the Ride

Next up is the lukewarm fan who knows about five players but messes with the culture and the other fans. They can predict a win about sixty percent of the time, but they don’t mind being corrected. They probably stuck with the team they’ve liked since they were a kid because of their colors and “that one player” ten years ago.

Does She Even Go Here?

And finally, we have the person that we’re not too sure actually knows what team’s jersey they’re wearing. It’s some thrifting god that paired the jersey with the most perfect pair of baggy jeans and a messenger bag (please, if you’re hearing us, tell us where you got your beanie). They would definitely judge you if you asked them who the quarterback is (it’s in the name of fashion of course)! If you guessed that they have wired headphones in even when they’re not listening to anything, you’d be absolutely correct.

No but seriously, tell us where everything in your closet is from.

In combination with each other, the fandom is unstoppable and Penn State lives through another weekend to see the same thing next week. Yet now that the Superbowl is over, what’s next? Is anyone interested in repping some Hawaiian shirts to prepare for the summer? If you are, you know where to find us!

What do you think about jerseys on campus? Let @VALLEYmag know on X!