Vulnerability comes in all shapes and sizes. There is no one-size-fits-all all. Some people in our life allow us to feel more compelled to open up, while with others we avoid talking about our personal lives like the plague. This is explicable to the “feminine urge” to overshare on a lunch date with your mom.
Below is a Tik Tik that helps paint the picture:
Motherhood
Motherhood creates a special bond that allows daughters to feel connected in ways unlike any other. This type of dynamic bond is extremely multi-faceted.
According to an article from Psychology Today, researcher Karen Fingerman, Ph.D., discusses her findings on the mother-daughter bond.
“Despite conflicts and complicated emotions, the mother-daughter bond is so strong that 80 percent to 90 percent of women at midlife report good relationships with their mothers—though they wish it were better,” says Fingerman.
She explains that women are better at maintaining relationships and are drawn to placing importance on family bonds. As daughters, we’re constantly seeking our mother’s approval and validation. This can elucidate the reason behind times we feel more vulnerable than others. When our bond is stronger we feel closer and more willing to share aspects of our life.
Environment
Many people prefer to talk over food or drinks. Food can act as a medium and prevent awkward silence from occurring. If you put it into perspective, many first dates occur over dinner to establish initial comfortability. You’re probably thinking, how in the world does this have anything to do with my mom?
When we feel comfortable in our environment, we feel more secure and willing to share. If your location is associated with bad memories and a sense of insecurity you won’t feel subject to being as vulnerable.
When on a lunch date alone with your mom, your brain might latch onto the looming feelings you wish to express to her, but the right time and moment haven’t occurred yet. However, be conscious of what you’re sharing in times of peak vulnerability. You might want to “bite your tongue” because we often regret oversharing and telling someone our deepest thoughts after the fact. Be aware if you want to open this “can of worms” with your mom on a random Tuesday at lunch.
Distance
You know what they say, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” As college students our bond with families often takes a toll when we’re constantly moving back and forth from home to school like a bunch of nomads. It can be difficult to maintain a close relationship with your mom when you’re not always around.
Therefore, a little lunch date to catch up with your mom could cause you to unload a lot more baggage than you were hoping to. Vulnerability is a sign of courage and can be difficult to express so use this strength to your advantage. There’s nothing more special, yet difficult than a mother-daughter bond.
Do you experience “the lunch date vulnerability” too? Tweet us your thoughts @VALLEYmag on Twitter!
