We all have those moments, the ones that make you want to disappear into the nearest shadow and never resurface. VALLEY has asked the students of Penn State to spill their most mortifying, “not my brightest moment,” stories, and they did not disappoint. From accidentally handing your student ID to the den bouncer to the near death experiences at the IM building, we’ve heard it all.
UUI: Ubering Under the Influence
“Got blackout drunk on tequila Tuesday then ripped the John Pennon and ended up throwing up in an uber into my friend’s hands and waking up with no pants and a $172 uber charge.”
The classic post-tequila Tuesday trifecta: a hangover, no pants and a mysteriously high Uber charge. Shout out to your friend for that though, that’s true friendship right there.
A Not so Lucky State Patty’s
“On State Patty’s weekend I went out with my friends and we were having so much fun. I saw the frat guy I had been crushing on and decided to talk to him. We ended up talking the whole night and I was enjoying my time with him. I thought things were going well so I asked him to kiss me. He then looked at me with pure disgust in his face and said no. That was truly one of the most humbling moments of my life.”
Is it really State Patty’s if you don’t get rejected by at least one frat guy? But really don’t feel too bad about it, he probably wasn’t even above 5’10.
Next Stop: Delulu Town
“I once developed the most insane crush on a boy imaginable. We were great friends, slow danced once, used to eat together with our ankles crossed on each other’s. For some reason, none of these acts ever convinced me he might have feelings for me too. When he eventually asked me out on a date, I freaked out and said no. To this day, I believe that was the darkest moment in my brain. I said no to my crush asking me out because I didn’t think he was ACTUALLY asking me out. Delusion-Town, population me.”
Yes the classic, “he can’t possibly like me even though we’re basically reenacting a rom-com,” syndrome. Welcome to Delusion Town where self sabotage is the main attraction. We do hope you enjoy your stay, but hopefully you won’t be here for too long.
TV, TV, On The Wall
“I was in a frat room with my friends and there was a mirror above the couch and for some reason I thought it was a TV (it looked nothing like a TV) and I asked the guy if that was a TV, without realizing to my left was the ACTUAL TV playing music.”
Honestly the real question here is what was so captivating about the mirror that made you need to ask? Because mistaking your reflection for something on TV is truly the highest form of confidence.
Here at VALLEY we salute your, “not my brightest moments,” because let’s be honest, we’ve all been there before. So next time you send a risky text to your TA instead of your group chat or get thrown out of a frat, just remember: you’re not the first nor last person for this to happen to. Keep laughing at yourself because even though it may not have been your brightest moment, it’s better to laugh and learn then never live at all.
Tag us on Instagram, @VALLEYmag, with one of your “not my brightest moment!”
