Before you read this, please note that issues of SA and violence against women are the main premise of this article.
Picture this: it’s your first time going, to a bar overseas I might add. You’re walking through the bar to ensure your classmates are okay as speak different languages around. You are getting ready to most likely black out for a 7 am breakfast call time thanks to our wonderful class activities. For you, going out to the club isn’t your thing (not in a pick-me way, but you genuinely don’t enjoy it) however you hope to find some fun for the one time to have a new experience to get excited about coming back to the States. But what happens on this night causes you to deal with the trauma that you thought had been resolved?
Men… just why?
You’re standing at the bar, ready to move around the clubs. Strobe lights everywhere, smoke coming out of the sky as random music plays out speakers, and you’re feeling off. You turn around waiting for your friends knowing they’re already starting to feel buzzed, and you are faced with a presence behind you staring. Knowing you’re not home, you make sure you’re aware of this fact and note it so you can tell your friends.
You start to feel anxious, you feel hands being placed on your hips. Cold and wet from the drink in hand and as he pulls you closer to him to inappropriately feel your ass as he’s grinding upwards. His friends are hyping him up and you turn around feeling like you’re back in that very moment you’ve felt this way the first time. As a minor with a grown adult male doing a similar action, he’s in a position of power.
Bodily Autonomy= Non-existent
Not trying to unpack that at the moment, you move away, officially ruining your fun for the night internalizing everything. Later in the evening, he follows you to different places in the club rubbing your shoulders, moving again, and continuously being inappropriate as you put up boundaries. As you explain what happens to your peers and family the comments and consensus made are “It’s alright it happens to everyone, just ignore it it’s OKAY.” But to you, this is another round of men showcasing their positions of power over you for dominance and control.
Sadly, this remains true for traveling overseas, men feeling powerful over you is a real experience in the United States. But the difference is, here my bodily autonomy is under wraps because I understand the dynamics of how I belong within the United States. While I was overseas I realized that the power dynamics that were in front of me were not held in my favor. As an American first, Penn State study-abroad student, Black, mid-sized girl with a mouth of fire… I am the perfect target for situations like this.
Sexual assault and femicide rates have risen across the globe. According to UN Women,
Adjusted for total population size, the available data shows that, in 2022, 2.8 women and girls per 100,000 were killed by an intimate partner or family member in Africa; compared with 1.5 in the Americas; 1.1 in Oceania; 0.8 in Asia; and 0.6 in Europe.
UN Women
Two days later you see him at the same club in the same spot trying to do this to other women and realize that the cycle of abuse women feel within other countries and the way they are treated, while it might be cultural, is still antiquated and uncalled for. As women, our number one rule is to protect ourselves always. We feel morally aware of what is happening around us in moments like this whether it’s happening to ourselves or other people. But why, in situations like these, are people so comfortable with the notion that situations like this are going to happen to us as women?
Asking myself all of these questions I then wonder how other girls who have traveled abroad felt during their moments going out during their school staycations. Whether or not they’re reporting it, the average woman will tell you about a situation where they have faced this type of harassment from a male or person in a position of power. We have seen it time and time again from celebrities to the average everyday Joe Shmoe.
As the new semester rolls around and you’re planning to talk to your parents about going abroad in the future or what your goals are with going away, please talk to them about safety and do research. Whether it be one day or three months, scenarios like these are common and women more and more are feeling silenced to speak up about issues affecting them.
While this was my experience, I don’t want anyone to feel discouraged while you’re going abroad. Just be aware, safe and most importantly cautious as you experience all life has to offer you overseas. I don’t know where I will go from here, but I do know that what I experienced was wrong, and no one in this lifetime deserves to feel what I just felt.
What are some ways you try to stay safe at the club? Let us know by tweeting us @VALLEYmag.
