Flirting is a necessary and powerful tool when it comes to increasing your sexual repertoire. The act of flirting allows you to catch someone’s attention, whether it be playfully or subtly, showing that you’re attracted and interested. This isn’t to say that’s it’s easy, but it’s definitely a powerful tool when it comes to creating a pleasant experience.
Why Flirting is an Important Tool to Utilize
Flirting is a necessary tool to utilize. It sets you up for an encounter. It lets the other person know that you are attracted and have a desire to get to know them. The awkward, funny moments are inevitable, but they allow you to be vulnerable, open and relatable, being able to explore the dynamic without making a commitment. It also creates a sense of anticipation, keeping the relationship spontaneous and playful, which is also why flirting should be maintained even after relationships are established, keeping them alive and far from dull or predictable.
The interactions that come from flirting often establish a sense of intimacy and sexual tension, which differs across gender and personality. Everyone has their own motive for flirting, so know why you’re doing it, establish some expectations, and have fun with it.
Common Pressures
It can be a daunting task to put yourself out there and be vulnerable with someone. You don’t want to come off as too interested or hooked, but you also don’t want to seem too cool and stand-offish to the point that the other person can’t even tell you’re interested. It’s a heavy toll on your self-esteem, especially if you’ve read the signs wrong and the feelings aren’t mutual.
You might worry that you’re looking to build intimacy, while the other person may be doing it more for sport, to gain some sort of sexual advantage. You might also start to question your looks and if you’re enough. Basically, you’re hyperaware of everything you feel and do. Just remember that you’re not alone and that the other person is going through a similar experience.
Remember: It’s Not Just About You
It might help to remember that flirting isn’t just about you. Crazy right? While you’re overanalyzing what to do and say, it can be easy to center the experience around you. You’re thinking about how you look, how you feel and how you’re being perceived while trying to figure out what to do to sound good so that the other person likes you. But by doing this, you’re creating a one-sided experience that can ruin engagement and the other person’s experience. Everything you’re doing is rooted in a fear of rejection. Try to make the experience about the other person. Show you’re interested by paying attention to them, finding out what makes them feel good and what they like.
How To Flirt
1. Initiate Eye Contact
The most common and universal method of flirting is through eye contact. There are many rules that have been established when it comes to utilizing eye contact. Some say to make subtle, brief glances, while others suggest holding eye contact for longer periods of time. Worrying about the length of a stare can add to the stress, so let it happen organically and naturally.
2. Smile
Research suggests that a smile can give off more of an attractive appeal. It makes you appear warmer and more open. When you smile, you release dopamine and endorphins, which increase feelings of happiness. Seeing a smile signals the reward centers of your brain, making you feel good. When you see a smile, you are naturally going to respond by smiling back, and this feel-good reciprocation will create a stronger sense of attraction.
3. Physical contact
Light touches, grazes and “accidental” touches signal attraction and affection while allowing you to be within closer proximity of the person you like. Subsequently, a physical reaction in the other person will signal whether they are drawn to you or not.
4. Be authentic
There’s no sense in trying to be someone you’re not, whether you’re going for something long-term or just looking for a hookup. You never know what the other person’s intentions are, so leading them on by pretending to be someone you’re not or lying to make yourself look better is benefiting neither of you in the long run. You’ll either hurt the other person or yourself in the process, so remember to be yourself.
5. Give a compliment
Giving a compliment shows the other person that you find them likable and that you admire qualities about them. Though it can be a vulnerable thing to do, it allows the other person to know how you feel and boosts their confidence.
6. Ask questions
Asking questions can help the conversation flow and show that you are taking interest in the other person, wanting to learn more about them.
Unconscious Signs To Be Aware Of
When you’re attracted to someone, other than the subtleties that come from flirting, there are other unconscious signs that signal attraction.
1. Foot placement: When someone is attracted to you, they will tend to point their feet towards you unconsciously, signaling their interest.
2. Raised eyebrows
3. Subtle joking and teasing
4. Mirroring: Copying/Reciprocating body language.
5. Fidgeting
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