Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. I am currently sitting down in the Harry Potter library thinking about my past four years here in Happy Valley. I have been trying to decide if I can put into words what this school has taught me. Aside from my basic PSU knowledge on how to get my drinks for free or make men cry, am I capable of wrapping up four years worth of memories in a nice little bow? Since I cannot get through this first paragraph without sobbing like a loser, I am going to say no. Also in case you are stupid or just a straight man, the title is a Sex and the City reference.
At the beginning of last year, I set out to write VALLEY’s first-ever dating column. I brought my idea to my directors and they took a chance on me and my little Carrie Bradshaw dreams. I have laughed, cried, fallen in love, had my heart broken, cried some more, ranted, blacked out, healed or whatever and all of it has been documented here. I have learned more about myself in the past year writing this column than I have in my entire life. SGOS took living for the plot to another level and, well, it was about time.
You see, you go to college and the overarching goal is to figure out who you are. My time here at Penn State has taught me that you are what you love. If you know me, you know that I love country night, amaretto sours, the Andy Cohen Bravo Universe, emotionally unavailable tall men, screaming slay in public places, my friends, VALLEY Mag, Taylor Swift and unironically drunk crying to “Nothing New.” I am an Aries asshole and a Pickles groupie. That’s just me. I also learned to stop lying to myself about being an Amy Dunne “cool girl” type because if you know me, you know I wouldn’t drink beer or watch a football game if there was a gun to my head. Has any of that information left me exiting my education with a job offer? No. But I do know all of those things so that’s going to need to count for something.
The last few years have simultaneously felt like an eternity and a millisecond. Moving into my Pollock dorm and immediately downloading Tinder for the first time feels like a fever dream. Since then, I have learned (at times against my will) that life is big and we all deserve to feel it. So send the drunk text, cry to your parents, and laugh with your friends. DO ALL OF IT because you’re going to wake up one day and it will all be different (you will be 23 referencing “Right Where You Left Me). I also want to tell you to go easy on yourself. Because through four years, multiple dates, and a handful of heartbreaks, I will always stand by the fact that sometimes you gotta love someone until you hate them. As a recovering cool girl this can be a recipe for disaster, but if you let yourself just be I promise you won’t have any regrets when all is said and done.
Senior year, specifically, has taught me that Taylor Swift is right about all things. Everything you learn IS a step you take. Most of the time (especially when you are twenty and have nothing figured out) dating is going to be a disaster. It just is. But every bad date, cringy match, or failed talking stage is a step closer. This is a friendly reminder that having feelings for someone is not crazy. These frat boys, military boys and student athletes are going to try to CONVINCE YOU that you invented it all in your head. Honey, I promise you (probably most likely) you did not. I saw a TikTok this week that said something along the lines of, “when it isn’t right, you feel like you left the house without unplugging your straightener all of the time.” The greatest lesson I have for any of you is to trust your gut. The amount of times my gut has been right is SICKENING but yanno kinda slay too. Also men are lying whores so you might as well be too.
The final piece of advice I have for you, dear readers, is that the most important relationships in life are the ones you build with your friends.There are going to be so many days that a boy is going to ruin but never let that stop you from enjoying time with the people who you love. My greatest memories at this school are the ones with my friends. Boys are a dime a dozen but friends are forever. Sex and the City is about men, sure, but the core of that show is the fact that your friends are your soulmates. Nothing in my life has ever filled me up more than laughing at the bars or playing my “Taylor Swift Glitter Gel Pen” Playlist in the car with my best friends and nothing ever will. I may not be leaving this school with my college sweetheart but I sure as hell have found my soulmates.
My last order of business is sharing that I have decided to pass my column on to one of my dearest friends Alyssa. I know she will write the truth, drag these boys’ to filth and make you laugh along the way. So while I am no longer a Single Girl of State, my column will not end with me. With that, I say cheers to the next, enjoy every fucking second and give ’em hell!
Love Always,
Mariah
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