When you bare your heart out to someone else, you are telling them this: I trust you. I trust you to not hurt me. This time will be different, you say, I can do this again. You can let someone into your vulnerable spots and it will all be okay.
Except, it never really works like that, does it?
In the age of modern dating, no potential romantic endeavor can be trusted, it seems, for people never mean what they say. The beginning stages of any relationship are vital when understanding the type of person a potential partner is in a romantic relationship.
How can you trust someone when your vulnerability has been weathered down by distrust and a constant world of hurt?
Without trust and without a willingness to be open, there is nothing.
When you have been in a relationship with someone for a long-time, you develop a certain type of trust. You get the chance to know someone through their flaws, insecurities and all the negative parts, and you accept it.
Comfortability develops when you feel as though you know that person as well as you know yourself. With time, comes change. The person who you were when you started the relationship might be a completely different person by the end of it — and vice versa. At that point, it is easier to break things off with someone who you have been with long-term. In your heart, you know it’s the right thing. With long-term relationships, you are more likely to receive closure from the other person by having discussions. It is easier to heal when you communicate with a long-term partner, but with a short-term partner, communication can be harder to achieve. This is not for every case, but it can apply to a general picture.
We Want What We Can’t Have
If you have ever found yourself in a confusing non-relationship, you may wonder why you feel so attached to the person. It may begin to consume every fiber of you and hold onto every word, every glance, every touch.
“Situationships” rest in the unknown, in the idyllic. You idealize a future with them, and in it, you and your other person are perfect together. You the best version of yourself and them being the best version to you. It is less about them and more about you. You put the other person on a pedestal instead of putting yourself there.
Sex expert Oloni says, “With “situationships”, it’s fun, it’s full of fireworks – you never really know what’s gonna come from it. You never know if it’s gonna turn into a relationship or if it’s just something that’s for the now.”
The end of a “situationship” signifies feelings of abandonment and breaks that idyllic image you had of them. You barely knew them, yet expected so much out of them. Not to say it was all in your head — “situationships” consist of valid emotions and experiences. But, if someone doesn’t show promises of commitment early on and still continues to string you along, that shows it was bound to end at one point, whether you wanted it to end or not.
You often lower your standards for a “situationship” in hopes they will one day meet them. Almost, almost, almost. That’s what it is. An almost that drives you crazy. When it’s over, you think — was I good enough? Am I lovable? Am I good? Am I beautiful?
The answer is yes, to all. Someone not choosing you in the end does not negate anything about you. Someone who uses you does not mean you are one to be used. The answer to a “situationship” is to choose yourself, always. To put yourself on the pedestal. To never accept anything less than what they can’t offer you.
You may think that you will never recover from a failed “situationship”, but as it always goes, you will. Look at reality for what it is, and for all the sensitive people out there — not everything is so personal. In fact, it’s rarely about you as a person and more on who they are.
Let @VALLEYMag know your thoughts on “situationships.”
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