Tables Turned: You’re Just Not That Into Him

“He’s just not that into you.”

We’ve all heard it. We’ve all thought it. We’ve all seen the movie. It has become an unwritten law that if a guy is truly interested in you, he’ll make it happen. Whether he goes by Mr. Player, Mr. Afraid of Commitment or Mr. Self Absorbed, we’ve all been left once or twice wondering what’s really on his mind.

As women, we constantly worry about what we’re doing wrong to explain why we’re single, but give yourself a break – you don’t want to go for just anything.

And be honest- you’re just not that into him either. It’s time to turn the tables and figure out what you should do if you’re feeling lukewarm about him. Guys have certain expectations when it comes to women and dating and Valley has some advice on how to handle these situations when you’re simply not feeling it. 

If he asks you on a date…

You know the scenario: you’ve unintentionally attracted an admirer, but you just don’t share his feelings. What do you do?

If he asks you on a date, whether it be to dinner, the movies, or even a formal, let him down easy when you know its not leading anywhere. There are implied expectations if you say yes, so unless you’re genuinely interested in getting to know him, don’t waste either of your time.

Ladies- just because he’s into you doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be into him or should feel guilty about not feeling the same way, it doesn’t matter what your friends expect. Even if you’re friends are pressuring you to accept, go with your gut and politely decline.

Stop lowering your standards because you think that you should be grateful or happy that you were even asked on a date. Accepting when you’re not interested would only lead to disappointment and resentment on the guy’s part, and a bunch of unnecessary drama later on.

If he buys you a drink…

“Can I buy you a drink?”- Ah, the quintessential pick up line heard all too often by women in a college town.

What ever happened to getting to know someone over a drink, without having the man be under the impression that because he spent between $5-$10 on you, he has a right to expect something more from you?

And sure- we get the point that if a guy buys you a drink, it’s his way of showing interest. But to hold the ultimate expectation that “it should be law” for a girl to go home with him afterwards, is absolutely ridiculous.

Declining a drink that’s already been prepared feels rude, but accepting it makes you feel obliged. Though accepting a drink from a man sends a signal of accepting advance, it never obligates you to focus on him for the rest of the evening, give him your phone number, hook up with him or leave with him. It does obligate you to treat him with some appreciation and respect, just as you would with anyone else.

Photo by Jessica Korch