There is something so magical about a fresh start in a casual relationship: the talking stages, the awkwardness, the meeting up at parties, the unfortunate but inevitable walk of shame back to your apartment the mornings after.
In today’s modern world, these sorts of situations begin much more casually than they may have in the past. Many women and men aren’t waiting to have sex or establish boundaries or labels in their interactions, leading many to this weird area between a hookup and a relationship. Is it a fling? Are you just hooking up? Could this lead to something more? Do you even want it to lead to something more?
As college students, we hear about how couples meet all the time. Sometimes, it’s cute and traditional, like “we met in line at Starbucks” or “he asked me to lunch after class”, yet in our world, a majority of relationships begin in this gray area of informality. According to a study from the University of Louisville pertaining to the commitment of their hookups, 65% of women and 45% of men hope that their casual fling eventually leads to a long term relationship.
Though those odds may be a bit underwhelming, it still provides that sliver of hope, that “maybe”, that gray area. And, unfortunately, this gray area is the worst. You may constantly question whether or not you can text them without seeming like a five stage clinger or assume that you will see them again without sounding unhinged. You are toying at the dichotomy of casual and crazy in your head. It’s exciting but exhausting.
There is a fine line between this “situationship” and relationship, between physical and emotional connection. If you already hooking up, the physical aspect is there. You find each other attractive or maybe their small talk makes you laugh, but what about that emotional connection? How do you establish a deepness outside of physical intimacy? Alas, there is no textbook answer.
The fear of rejection often halts the progression of any real emotional development. It becomes this waiting game. You save yourself by waiting around for them to text you, and if they don’t, you crumble. But, they could be waiting for the same thing. You don’t know their feelings on the other side of the phone out of this fear of communication.
Have the conversation. Yes, that one. You can maybe start by asking them to hang out outside of that casual Friday or Saturday night at the library, HUB or some restaurant downtown. If he or she only wants you to come over at night, then that isn’t the greatest indicator that he or she likes you for you and wants to spend time with you because you are funny and interesting. If you want to establish a deeper bond, you may need to start having more open communication and conversations outside of the party or night scene. Unfortunately, there is no way to know outside of trying. Each person is unique in their emotional language, so if you want things to eventually develop, perhaps you need to make the move.
Finding romance in this hookup culture is a special kind of hurt. Rejection is inevitable, but not the end of the world. You are amazing with or without that potential partner.
Tweet or tag us @VALLEYmag with specific questions or stories about your successes and failures in the modern hookup world.
