Ah, the holidays, a time for merry and cheer and for family to come together as one. Unless you are on the other side of this spectrum with the (cough cough) divorced parents … in that case, your holiday season is filled with less merry, more drama and most importantly, it’s stressful as HELL.
If you look up the trend “Holidays with divorced parents on TikTok” you’ll see a plethora of videos discussing how the holidays make the children in this predicament feel. But what are some ways to make this holiday season feel lighter as you navigate family life? VALLEY has exactly what you’ll need to keep your sanity during the “Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.”
Understand Their Perspective
As children of divorced parents, the perspective and brunt of divorce can feel like the world is falling on your shoulders. Getting asked the question, “So who are you spending the holiday with?” can feel like you’re breaking one of your parents’ hearts. This is a valid feeling to have and our parents can sometimes make us feel like they’re forcing us to choose.
Even when it’s not their first intention at heart, feeling like you’re pulled in two different directions can feel nerve-racking and like life wants you to be in turmoil. But VALLEY is here to tell you that your feelings are valid and that the waves of emotion that you feel are normal. As you get older you’ll realize that the expectations people have for you can’t always be met. Give yourself some grace.
Make A Plan
Before this holiday season, write a list and a letter to yourself of all of the things you want to accomplish during the season. Sit down and have a talk with your parents about your feelings about the holidays you are about to celebrate. Explain what your plan is and how you’re prioritizing your health first by creating a positive environment for you to have a great holiday season. Share your plans and even try to come up with new traditions together so it doesn’t bring up old memories for your parents.
Prioritize your health
Mental health and taking care of your body is another aspect of the holiday that is important. As the winter starts to come, days get shorter and dark skies stay longer — it is imperative that we stay healthy and be aware of how our bodies and minds feel. In the season of joy also comes grief and feeling like your family is not together anymore can feel overwhelming. The circumstances that might be presented in front of you might feel negative but here are some small ways you can make them better.
- Talk to your families about how you feel
- Have a treat yourself day: holiday edition
- JOURNAL, to process what you’re feeling
- HAVE FUN and make the most of your holiday
Showcase Your Love
The holidays are about forgiveness, joy and making a new with your loved ones. Maybe now might be the time to reconcile with your parents about how situations affected you. You could talk to them and explain why this process every year might feel difficult and share why these new boundaries you’ve set in place are important. Showcasing your love through actions and sharing why this new season of your life is important to you is pertinent to show your growth as a young adult.
VALLEY hopes that in this holiday season, you find peace with your family this holiday season. Is there anything new you will be trying for the holiday? Let us know by tweeting us @VALLEYmag.
