Being alone in college can be quite polarizing.
The act of “grinding it out” daily can take a huge toll on your mental health. I know it has for me personally, especially being alone over the last couple of weeks on campus.
Making friends can be a challenge, especially when you are brand new on main campus filled with over 40,000 students. Being friendly doesn’t equate to making friends and for the average person on this campus… their circles can run quite small.
If you feel this way, you are not alone– over my last eight weeks on this campus, I have learned more about myself more than I have throughout my college career. I’m here to share what I’ve learned and what you can do to make your college experience just a little less lonely!
How I Got Here…
My time here at Penn State has not been easy.
Getting to University Park a semester early put some things into perspective for me early on. Friendships come and go and seasons change. Coming here, I wanted a fresh new beginning to have a chance to make new friends. I wanted those perfect friendships you see on Instagram where people do a semester recap that looks full of fun experiences.
Whether or not those are real, I still wanted that, because for years during high school (which wasn’t a good experience, might I add) I dreamed of having a college experience where I was able to make the most out of my four years of being here.
The 2+2 plan already hindered me quite a bit and in my first year, I was so let down by what I experienced at the branch campus, that I barely even wanted to come back to Penn State. I was dreading it.
Going into University Park as a transfer student, I made sure that I was coming into main campus with an open mind and heart.
I immediately dove into all the things University Park has to offer — from student resources, faculty support, mentorships and clubs that I could join that are in my major and go along with my interests.
Making my mark on campus was the goal, and I can honestly say I’ve achieved. The one thing I felt was missing from these last few weeks were the friendships to go along with it.
The anxiety that comes along with creating the expectation that you have to put yourself out there and becoming vulnerable enough to meet new people and possibly calling them your friend can be gut-wrenching. Especially as a Black girl in a predominately white institution, it can honestly cause you to have fears over people judging you because of how you present yourself or who you’re surrounded by.
Having preconceived notions about people who don’t know you, and vice versa, may cause you to feel worse about yourself. But, the one thing I have learned over these last few weeks while being alone is that I am my own best friend.
#DoYou
Whether it’s the only-child syndrome in me or I’ve just learned to keep to myself more, being lonely doesn’t always have to feel so bad.
I’ve been managing to keep busy by throwing myself into passions of mine, like writing. This has allowed me to not feel alone every day and do things I genuinely enjoy while building up my resume for the future.
I’ve also started to do some self-reflection and have been working on my mental health while being alone. I learned that while I am not surrounded by different friends every single day, there are people in my corner rooting for me to do well on this campus.
This is a seasonal transition period for me and putting pressure on myself to have this perfect and curated life is just not a reality. If it was, I would’ve done all four years at University Park.
I have to make my own mark and allow myself to have some growing pains here and there. Sometimes that means asking a girl in my class to get lunch, or messaging someone on socials to hang out.
But most importantly, I affirm to myself that I am okay with being me, and that my friendship circle or genuine friends is not determined by the number of people I hang out with.
Being lonely does not mean you’re alone. Always remember that despite how you feel, you are not alone in this intimidating space that is college. Even if you are not in Greek life or any other social organization, don’t have a large friend group or may not have any true friends right now — just know, you’re not the only one.
What you’ve been doing to keep yourself company? Let us know by tweeting us @VALLEYmag!
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