Breakups are difficult, there’s no denying that. They are inevitable and no one prepares you for them. When you love someone and are in a relationship that ultimately ends, it is natural for your heart to break a little. During this time of heartbreak, some people go through a bit of an existential crisis and forget who they are and what they are about. Breakups tend to change people, sometimes for better, other times for worse. One thing breakups should never do is change the essence of who you are in this world.
Anyone who has gone through a trauma can say that it has shaped the person they are today. For many, a harsh breakup is a form of trauma. While yes, traumas shape a person, they shouldn’t define who that person is. It is up to you to decide how much control you are willing to let the trauma have over you.
Love Is Gold
Love is one of the most valuable things people have to offer in this world. Often, after having someone break your heart, the first thing you want to do is close yourself off and protect yourself from feeling that hurt again. Arguably, that might be the worst thing you could do for yourself after a breakup.
The love you have to offer is so valuable because that is what makes you who you are. Understanding that love is within and all around you, brings connections and feelings of fulfillment. Love is intangible, no one can reach into your heart and rob you of your love, but if you allow a trauma to control your life, it sure does feel like that is what happened.
Only you can place your love’s value and it should be like gold. It’s not rare, but it’s expensive, it’s beautiful and it’s worthy. Think about it, if you had a block of gold, would you let someone take it away from you? No. You would protect it with every ounce of energy that you have, and that’s what you should do with your love.
Protection Spell
Your love is too valuable and allowing a traumatic experience to take that away from you is the greatest form of self betrayal. After having someone break your heart or betray your trust, the best thing you can do for yourself is not let them rob you of the love you have to give. Do not let them change the way you choose to love. Love is meant to be pure and when it gets changed by a traumatic experience it starts to dwindle.
Think about the time you have let your past hurt your present or your future. Sometimes you spend so much energy trying to protect your future self from reliving the past, that you are not able to experience the present moment. The same thing happens with love. When you focus too much on shutting yourself down and protecting your love, you are essentially hurting the way you love today and in any future relationships.
They Are Not The Same
Another negative effect that your relationship traumas may have on your future relationship is comparison. Sometimes subconsciously when you let your past affect how you love, you begin to “punish” your current partner unfairly. You may begin to compare your ex and your current partner’s actions. This tendency is unfair to your partner as they are two very different people which makes the relationship completely different too.
Just because someone in your past decided to betray you and break your heart, doesn’t mean the next person will. Thinking that they will, in a way manifests the end of that relationship as well. When you look for something bad to happen, the universe might just prove you right. You also won’t be allowing yourself to love fully, and as mentioned before love is the most valuable thing you have to offer.
Hurting Is Hard
With this, you may even perpetuate that standard of hurt people, hurt people and instead of looking for your ex in your partner, you become your ex. You start looking for anything that may be off in the relationship and with that, you betray your partner’s trust of how much they love you. You become so skeptical of anyone that you may drive yourself into this dark hole where you self-sabotage and start to reproduce your ex’s actions with your current partner.
Love Endlessly
There is nothing more beautiful than loving wholeheartedly. While it is difficult to open yourself up to the idea of love again, when you can feel that love within you, you begin to be happy again. After a harsh breakup, you should allow yourself to love again. You should be able to pour that love you once gave your ex, into another person because that love is and will always be yours to give.
Yes, past traumas are not easy to get over, but when you find the love within you, you become more confident and able to get through the harshest waters. To love and be loved is like feeling the sun on both sides. Be the sun towards the people around you and don’t let the rain stop the sun from coming back out.
Remember, love is not something you should be comparing or running away from!
Tag us on Instagram @VALLEYmag on a post that makes your love feel like gold!
