Oh, hey there. It’s March and the last time I was here, it was in November. I am dearly sorry. In my defense, I have a whole new role in VALLEY and I want to write quality work for this column that Mariah graciously bestowed upon me. So, here I am. Back at it.
This week, I felt inspired to revisit an old article that I wrote last year: The Celibate Slut. On March 4 2023, I hastily wrote an article detailing what it means to be a “celibate slut,” a term that I coined as a way to rekindle my feelings with myself and college hook-up culture. I really did write that for myself. I have been doing a lot of reflecting on who I was last year and that picture looks a lot different. My life has changed quite a lot since that time.
When I wrote “The Celibate Slut,” I was a girl jaded by love and boys and yet at the same time, I was naïve and filled with delusions. Hung up on a situationship that I thought would either wreck or improve my life, I felt as if I was in a limbo between feelings and lust. My life was neither wrecked or improved, but as the story goes, I learned a lot from that period of my life.
I remember writing this article well. It was one of my favorites and I felt equally validated when it was so well received by VALLEY, as it got a personal post on the Instagram! All my friends loved it and it was a giddy feeling, to know people read your work.
I was both elated and quite nervous since the title itself was unlike anything I had ever come up with before. The point was to be okay with being a sexual being, but also being afraid to dip into those experiences. It was about a desire to be a “slut” — without knowing what it was. It was about reclaiming the word “slut.” But, I wrote that from a place of wonder, from a place of observation. I was so close to achieving the “celibate slut,” which is precisely the reason I wrote that article in the first place.
Now, a year later, I found myself with a boyfriend. I have changed, grown and discovered parts of myself that have been so sweet, but if there is one thing I know — it’s that I will never let go of myself, of who I was a year ago. She is the reason I am here. She is the reason why I got a boyfriend; because I stopped being scared to embrace myself, my feelings, my sexuality.
In order to keep growing, I knew I had to question and answer exactly what I wanted. That is exactly what the “celibate slut” did. She will always serve a purpose for me and I hope that anybody who read it felt something about it. It was a silly little article, but it meant so much to me to be able to liberate my feelings through writing.
So long to my celibate slut arc — you showed me the world.
I’ll see you soon, dear readers.
XOXO, Alyssa
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