Being a young, sorta old person (second semester senior) has taught me two things. Rachel and Joey should have been endgame and I need to stop binge-watching TV shows during finals week. That’s it.
We are all doing the best we can, or at least that’s what we are telling our families when we show up to holiday parties alone. You know the conversation I’m talking about. Your grandmother or aunt will wait until you’re alone (usually in the middle of something) and then strike when your guard is down. “Seeing anyone special?” Is a phrase that wakes me up in a cold sweat at least once a month.
To this, I typically sigh, “Nope! No one exciting!”
Usually, this is when they drop it. But every once in a while they refuse to quit. The worst follow ups are “well that’s boring” “how can that be? Penn State is huge!” and (my personal favorite) “are you being nice enough?”
The last one is where I usually go full Fleabag (another binge-watch whoops) . I’ll turn to my invisible camera and say “well the last guy I went on a date with asked if he could **** **** **** because he paid for my dinner.”
But we don’t *actually* say it. Again, we just smile in a chagrin, loving manner and wait for our siblings to change the subject.
Sometimes these annual familial beat downs manifest in unhealthy ways. As you all know, in August I proclaimed I was done playing wicked games with boys. In October, I decided that if I wasn’t super interested in them, what harm could there be in playing just a little?
The Tiktok algorithm has taught me (unfortunately, way too late) that these are the ones that get you. When we start up with someone that likes us more than we like them it can feel like a low risk, high reward situation. We get to A) be adored, and B) not worry about getting our hearts broken. These guys come in strong. Almost immediately they are telling you how great you are, how lucky they are to be hanging out with you etc etc. These situations are typically the ones that break us, because we never saw their bullshit coming and we definitely never thought we would care. They were the nice guys that were NEVER supposed to hurt our feelings, let alone pummel us. I like to refer to this as the Ross Geller effect.
The Ross Geller Effect goes a little something like this:
- You start off completely uninterested in him
- You decide to give him a chance (mans got rizz)
- You start hanging out/ talking more
- You start enjoy his company/ attention?
- You remember your family telling you to give guys a chance
- Regret
- Regret
- Regret
It’s a tale as old as time. Us girls decide to give the guy a chance. He’s not what we would typically go for, but he’s nice and seems to really like us. You hang out, he tells you you’re beautiful and you convince yourself to like him. Until one day you think to yourself “wait maybe I do kinda like him?”
At this point you are having fun, playing “Lover” at full volume on your way to class, when out of nowhere you’ve been left on delivered for eight hours. Now we start thinking to ourselves “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
Just like that, the guy that was JUST telling you how perfect you are has shape-shifted into the 21-year-old president of the “He-Man Woman Haters Club”. I’m talking screaming on your doormat, blocked and deleted level drama. For what? If there is one thing a boy’s gonna do, it’s humiliate the shit outta you.
The lesson for this week, boys and girls, is that if you are convincing yourself to give someone a chance, stop it. It’s one thing to get let down by a guy you really like, but this? This is embarrassing. Rachel Green may have gotten off that plane to Paris for Ross Geller, but not us baby. NOT US.
With all that being said, I hope that the next time you go home for the holidays and your family makes you feel bad about being alone you remember this article. Too many of us are settling for the Ross Gellers of the world because we don’t want to be alone. Fuck that! Because it’s better to be single than be emotionally wrecked by someone who couldn’t measure up.
DM us on Instagram, @VALLEYmag and let us know what you think of the Ross Geller Effect!
Happy Holidays Ladies
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