When a relationship comes to an end, people feel a variety of emotions: sadness, angry, disappointment. There are different periods of time in the journey after the heartbreak that associate with these emotions. But, how do we achieve that final level of acceptance in our grieving of a person who is still alive? How do we find indifference, rather than hatred or misery?
First, Let’s Look to the Music
In Nessa Barrett’s song “PINS AND NEEDLES,” off of her album “AFTERCARE,” she explains this concept of finding indifference and no longer feeling any particular way towards her old love. Throughout her song, there are muffled lyrics of Barrett singing “who are you?” highlighting that she doesn’t know this person that she once loved anymore.
Don’t call me your ex ’cause I never met you
Nessa Barrett
We’ve never had sex, we never got tattoos
While “Stubborn Love” by The Lumineers is not about the feeling of indifference, it is still able to illustrate to listeners what this feeling is.
It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The Lumineers
The opposite of love’s indifference
Diving deep into this lyric, it explains that love is feelings of pain and big emotions, while undoing all the love only leaves indifference.
Moving to the country music side, Megan Moroney’s song “Indifferent” specifically lays out her own journey to indifference and finding peace after heartbreak.
June came and went, when’s your birthday again?
Megan Moroney
Did I miss it? My bad, that’s on me
I see your truck and I don’t give a-
And it don’t make my heart skip a beat
In these lyrics, Moroney shows how reminders of her ex no longer get to her like they used to. In the stages of moving on, it’s natural to be reminded of someone by certain triggers. However, once reaching the indifference stage, they no longer have meaning or may have taken on new ones.
So, How Do You Get There?
Perhaps these artists may make indifference sound easier than it actually is. The first step to finding peace after a breakup is giving yourself grace. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions initially –– cry, scream, eat scoops of chocolate ice cream while watching “Normal People.” It’s better to feel and grieve rather than to shove emotions down.
Next, start something new. Whether you decide to pick up a new hobby or start watching a new show, begin to do things that you never did before in the relationship. This step will help you grow your independence and form new connections with things that your ex doesn’t know about.
While there is no cure for a broken heart, these few tips as well as playing a couple of indifference-related songs may help you get through the initial hurt. But, it’s best to keep in mind that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Indifference is achievable –– or else they wouldn’t write songs about it.
And… I’m going to hold your hand when I tell you, you should be no contact. On everything. Social media, find my friends, text messages. This constant reminder that there is some form of access to each other makes getting over each other difficult. Having it out of sight out of mind may just be the thing to help you feel a little better in the moment, and a lot better later on.
In the end, understand that you are grieving a person, so give yourself that same patience you would if it had happened to a friend.
Have more tips about reaching indifference? Let as know @VALLEYMag on Instagram and X!
