“I’m not like the other girls.” It’s a phrase that became a mantra for countless teens, especially in the early 2010s when this idea found a home on social media platforms like Instagram and Tumblr. Teenage girls would share posts about feeling out of place, emphasizing their difference from “typical” girls at school. It might have felt empowering at the time, a way to express individuality. But looking back, we can see how it was rooted in internalized misogyny. Still, that doesn’t mean these feelings weren’t real or worth exploring.
The phrase likely began as a reaction to mainstream portrayals of femininity, which often revolved around interests in fashion, beauty, and popular culture. For girls who didn’t connect with those conventions, labeling themselves as “different” became a form of self-expression. They often embraced hobbies or styles associated with masculinity—like sports or indie music—as a way to carve out their own identity.
Yet, even if this mindset felt empowering, it had an unintended consequence: rather than lifting young women, it fostered division and encouraged negative attitudes toward femininity. Instead of questioning why certain forms of self-expression were considered “better” or more “authentic,” the trope pushed girls to distance themselves from anything seen as “girly.”
These feelings often begin at a young age, rooted in painful social dynamics. Everyone remembers those middle school days of feeling left out or uninvited, watching others form friendships from which they felt excluded. It’s only natural that, in response to these early experiences, some young girls would distance themselves from what they saw as “typical” femininity to avoid further rejection. When the so-called “popular girls” seem to have everything you don’t, it’s easy to overcompensate by downplaying anything traditionally feminine about yourself.
Embracing Femininity
But, of course, femininity isn’t the problem here. Distancing from femininity as a solution is not only misguided but risks perpetuating the same exclusion it tries to combat. By villainizing femininity, we end up reinforcing the very biases that make girls feel they have to choose between being true to themselves and being accepted by others.
Thankfully, times have changed. In recent years, openly expressing femininity has made a comeback. Whether it’s through bright pink outfits or a bold Barbie cosplay, women are embracing their feminine side like never before—and that’s exactly how it should be. Femininity isn’t something to avoid; it’s something to celebrate.
Because here’s the truth: there’s nothing wrong with being “like the other girls.” Being like other girls means sharing a bond with a community that understands you. It means celebrating the shared beauty and complexity that comes from embracing who you are, alongside the girls standing next to you. Being like the other girls is a lifelong blessing, not a curse.
What is your favorite thing about being like the other girls? Let us know on Instagram @VALLEYmag!
