If you’re like us, you may have spent an hour scrolling through the recently released pictures of the Vanity Fair Oscars Party. Placing yourself with the A-list celebrities, partying the night away without a care in the world. These celebrities may seem way out of reach for us students in the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania, but what if we took them all out of their element and into our beloved weekend affairs? Because honestly, there really is little that compares to a good night out at the Penn State frats.
Not Tonight Ladies
You can almost feel the vicious side eye through this photo that the pledges give you when you approach with a big group. This image of Raúl Domingo and Colman Domingo screams “We’re at capacity” before you even reach the door. Quick, time to text that guy who lived three floors below you freshman year that you exchanged a half-smile within the elevator once!
“Nah, They’re Good”
Told you, that guy pulled through! We’re not sure what Barry Keoghan and his friend were talking about, but from our experience, it only looks like one thing. Barry? A pledge? Working the door? We see it. Don’t worry ladies, you’re good.
We Made It!
That sweet feeling of finesse and rejoice hits you as you enter the party. We made it ladies, time to dance in a circle with the girls! It will only be a few minutes until you succumb to the famous frat flick. It’s okay, we understand … it’s just too tempting.
So, What’s Your Major? Asked Every Frat Guy Ever
Let’s face it … all you want is a drink that is not 99% water and doesn’t taste like 100% dog piss. But a girl has to take one for the team, so you engage in a conversation with a friendly looking pledge. The conversation lasts a total of seven minutes, to which he asks you one question and then talks about his plans of investment and the economy for the rest of the time. You smile and nod along, hearing maybe three words of the conversation.
So Worth It Though
It truly works every time. When you spot your girls again, a quick pose of victory is necessary. It’s like we’re all Jeremy O. Harris’s muse, because ugh … he’s just like us.
Don’t Do It … Do Not Pee Your Pants
You simply cannot go to a frat party and not wait in the hour-long line for the bathroom. If you have avoided it every time, VALLEY needs your secrets. For the rest of us though, the urgency of having to go heightens with each second. And since everyone suffers through the line at least once every night, you are bound to see someone you know. That gossip session is unmatched. Oh my gosh, is that your biology TA?
“If You’re Not a Brother …” You Know the Rest
Frankly, we would be okay with LeBron James flickering the lights and kicking us out. At least with him he can see over the tops of our heads. Sorry, we had to!
Do Not Have Anything in Your Hands
Pre-graduation bucket list: steal something from a frat. We know you want to; they know you want to. Though we are of course not accusing Rachel Sennott of stealing from the Vanity Fair party, I think a lot of us have pictures just like this one. It makes the perfect souvenir for another lovely evening at the frats!
Do you have any pictures that look strangely similar to these Vanity Fair Oscar’s Party pictures? Tag us on Instagram, @VALLEYmag, with some of your favorites!
