There is an old proverb that you’ve probably heard of. Never judge a person before you walk a mile in their shoes. It’s a saying as old as time. Its purpose is to encourage empathy, and understanding for others, even if they are unlike yourself.
It’s a positive message, and an important one. Understanding leads to better communication, and better communication leads to healthier relationships. Both romantic and friendly. However, there is just one problem. You can’t literally walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Well, maybe you could.
The point is, you are never going to have the same experience that someone else does. Therefore, you will never perceive any one event the same as someone else, and you won’t feel the same emotions either. If no one can ever truly have someone else’s experiences, then can there ever be real understanding? Maybe not, but you have to try, right?
Understanding in Relationships
Being in a relationship, or being friends, with someone new means opening yourself up to new views, experiences and emotions that you hadn’t known about before. The more you talk, the more you learn about this person, but understanding their perspective is still much easier said than done.
Understanding and empathy can go a long way in making communication in relationships and friendships more effective. It’s important to have honest conversations with your partner, even if they are uncomfortable or difficult. You might need to go outside of your comfort zone, and reflect on possible biases that you might have, as they can limit your understanding.
Use Active Listening
Another of the most beneficial things you can do in relationships is truly listen. You don’t need to get a word in edgewise, or defend your point of view. That’s how a conversation becomes an argument. Neither person gets to feel seen, nor understood. It’s important to not only listen to their words, but the emotions that come with them, and from them. At the end of the day, empathy is about understanding emotions, not just words.
You may never be able to experience the same thing as your partner, actively listening to their point of view may be the closest we can get. You may not even understand them, and that’s ok. In most cases, the effort goes a very long way, and is often appreciated. In relationships, or friendships, both parties deserve to be understood. If you don’t feel heard, it’s okay to bring up how you are feeling to the other person.
It’s important to remember that understanding and empathy are not inherited traits, but rather, skills. They are things that you can practice, and with time, become better at. Your relationships, and friendships will, no doubt, benefit from raising the level of understanding between you and your friend, or partner. And who knows? You might learn something new by doing so.
Do you have any tips for better understanding in relationships? Tell us @VALLEYmag on X and all other social media platforms.
