There is nothing that stings like when a man tells you “I’m not ready to be in a relationship.” It feels like all the time you have spent together was a waste. But eventually, you begin to let them go. A few weeks later, you see them with a new girlfriend. So much for not being ready for a relationship, right?
The Cab Light Theory
There’s a scene in Sex and the City where Charlotte is discussing her newest love interest with her friends in the bathroom. She explains that it was fate and Miranda chimes in that “his light is just on.”
“What light?” Charlotte asks.
“Men are like cabs. When they’re available their light goes on. They wake up one day and they’re ready to settle down have babies whatever. And they turn their light on. The next women they pick up, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, its dumb luck. It’s all about timing.”
But do men only get a girlfriend when their light is on? Yes and no.
In your college years, it’s common for you to meet someone that is worth having a relationship with. You might enter a so-called honeymoon phase. Then they tell you that they’re not ready for a relationship. You might hear the words “I need to focus on myself” or “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Not Your Fault
You think it had something to do with you. You can’t stop thinking about what you could have done to make them stay. Could you have been more effortless, prettier or more confident? You’re ready for a relationship so why wasn’t he until now?
But just because they have a new girlfriend, don’t think that you have to change your personality for them to want you. They will not change because someone betters them, they will change when they feel they are ready.
Miranda is right, timing is a huge factor for people starting relationships. Many people will pursue one when they are doing well enough in work or feel mentally healthy to do so.
It is possible that a guy has a light go on and that he realizes he is ready for a relationship but there is also the scenario that you two did not align. The cab light theory can be comforting because it is a sort of closure but is not always reliable.
Is The Theory True?
Relationships are different for everyone. You can’t always compare your experience to your friends, social media or a TV show. While SATC’s Miranda proposes a good theory, you have to remember that not all men will do this. If the two of you are both ready for a relationship, this will be communicated.
So they tell you that they aren’t ready for a relationship. Light on or not, you do not need to pursue him if he is not going to change his mind again. If you have the tools and are ready to pursue a relationship, find people who will take the time for you and not string you along.
Your relationship should not be dependent on a significant other’s needs. While you feel like the cab light theory has been true to your experience, it is not a theory to rely on. If you wait around until that person’s “light” is on, you can miss out on the opportunity to pursue a healthier relationship.
Do not wait around to settle for your Mr. Big when there are better people out there who will also be on your timeline. Don’t wait until he’s ready.
Do you think you’ve experienced the cab light theory? Let us know your thoughts @VALLEYmag on Instagram or Twitter!
