It’s hard to open up to someone, and it’s scary to be honest about how you feel. It feels so much easier to internalize these emotions as we experience them. This struggle of internalizing emotions is one that most men deal with every day.
VALLEY encourages talking about mental health. We know that it’s important to be able to talk to someone about emotions, feelings, relationships, life’s troubles and life’s triumphs.
Talking about these things can be much easier said than done, no doubt, and they can be particularly taxing topics for men to tackle. I know this from experience as I, and many other men I know, struggle to talk about many things that cut below a surface level conversation with each other. But why is that?
Stigma of Weakness
For many, these conversations can be uncomfortable and unnatural, so we avoid these topics completely. For others, there often is a stigma that looms over vulnerability.
A common fear is that somehow, you’ll be viewed as less manly, or no longer one of the boys. While this may be nonsense, it doesn’t make it much easier to open up.
A study conducted by Priory Group surveyed 1000 men. Of these 1000 men, 77% have dealt with some type of mental health issue at some point in their lives. However, 40% of those men have never spoken to anyone about their issues (Men’s Mental Health: Why 40% of men won’t talk about it).
Much of this was due to the stigma of being viewed as less masculine, or somehow weak by their peers for opening up to them. In other cases, this lens of weakness came from within oneself. Whichever the case, this feeling of weakness can make it difficult for men to open up to one another.
My Burden is Not Yours to Bear
Another common feeling amongst men is the unwillingness to force one’s problems onto their friends. We’ve all seen it happen. We’ve heard guys say something like, “It’s my problem, I can handle it.”, or “I’ll do it by myself.” It can be frustrating.
However, these are not the actions of some macho guy trying to be tough, they’re the actions of someone who is oftentimes too afraid to receive help. They’re the actions of someone who doesn’t want to drag a friend into their problems.
There is Strength in Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a scary word for many people, but especially for men. To be emotionally and mentally exposed is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage. It takes strength. But you shouldn’t let those who are scared to be vulnerable deter you. Being vulnerable may be one of the strongest things a man can do.
Opening up about pain, fears, and even triumph is not only healthy for you, but healthy for your relationships as well. My closest friends just so happen to be the gentlemen I have most regularly opened up to.
Being vulnerable with each other has allowed us to grow more connected and more comfortable in being ourselves, and provided us a person we can talk to if need be. It can do the same for you as well.
Don’t be Afraid
We know it may be scary to open up to someone, especially your friends, but you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to them. A good friend will always be there for you.
If you are struggling, or know someone who is struggling, with their mental health, you can reach the Penn State Crisis Line at 1-877-229-6400. Please do not be afraid to ask for help. We all need it at some point.
