Have you ever wondered where your favorite rappers would go for a night out if they were students at Penn State? Well then you’re in luck— here are VALLEY’s predictions on what your favorite rapper’s bars would be in State College, their signature drink order and how their night would go. Cheers!
Post Malone
If seeing Malone trying to sample “Big Jet Plane” by Angus & Julia Stone with Lil Baby doesn’t scream Bill Pickle’s Tap Room, then we don’t know what does. The rapper has been known to tease us with his country covers, so we feel like he would find his second home on Tuesday nights at Pickle’s throwing back their signature pickleback shots and just trying to make sure everyone is having a good time.
Quavo
Picture this: Quavo sitting on the back patio of Cafe 210 West sipping on a Miami pitcher. We rest our case.
Waka Flocka
Mr. “No Hands” would be throwing hands in Champs while handing out shots as if he works behind the bar. Well, not really, but you know what we mean. But tell us if there was ever a time that you were sad while listening to his music? Now, has there ever been a time you’ve been sad in Champs? We rest our case. With these two, there’s always a chance of both a good time and good music. Who knows, maybe we can convince him to make a return to South Allen and sip on a Booze Bag (Exhibit A below).
Trippie Redd
For some reason, we feel like Doggie’s fits Trippie’s aesthetic. No explanation necessary— he’s one of us.
Drake
If there’s one thing Drake and Lion’s Den have in common… it’s chaos. With Drake’s chaotic energy and the way that the Den overflows into Calder Alley on a nightly basis, there’s a high likelihood of a Drake sighting while he’s sipping on their Long Island Iced Teas (pictured below). Here’s to BBL energy.
Jack Harlow
There’s no way that Mr. Harlow would pass up a Gaff Wednesday. We can picture him performing for the masses on the dancefloor, tearing it up with his own rendition of some once-forgotten early 2000s hit (probably something from NSYNC— no, definitely NSYNC). And all while he is drinking their infamous Sex at the Gaff pitcher, a very on-brand drink for Missionary Jack.
Lil Uzi Vert
There’s really only one place that is fit for a king like Uzi, and it’s The Basement. If his energizing music is any testament to the way this man parties, then we think of no other person to conquer the Shot Wheel on a Basement Thursday.
Future
We know he never liked us, which is why we know he would fit right in with the crowd at Pman’s (and yes, he would only be drinking Mind Erasers— stay toxic my friends).
Honorable Mentions
While this was meant as some sort of comedic relief, there are just some artists we wouldn’t dare disrespect by bringing them to State College (respectfully):
- J.Cole
- Megan thee Stallion
- 21 Savage
- Gucci Mane
Tweet us @VALLEYmag with your own predictions and insight into where your favorite rappers would go in State College. You never know, you might just manifest a Cardi B in Jax.
